and the dramatic visions of suicide return with a vengeance


this past week has been hell. and when i say hell, it may, in fact, be up there in the top 5 bad weeks of my life. it is supposedly over and i am not going to complain about it anymore than i already have to anyone within hearing range.

i will, rather, detail where i am at right now for anyone who might be worried. the pneumonia seems to be getting better. i am having fewer coughing fits, however, they are actually more intense. i took a box to the cracked rib yesterday when helping Mark move in the stove/oven that the film crew did not move back into our house. I need to go grocery shopping because a large portion of the food i had intended to consume this week-end disappeared during the shoot. The floors will still all need to be washed after the fridges are switched. It snowed here last night, so this is going to be fun…ugh. i have two papers to write, neither of which are started and both are due ASAP. I only have a Latin quiz tomorrow morning and translations to do.

I hadn’t felt this … unconnected and ineffective … in a while. My reaction to these situations is not the best it could be (as the title explains). I am trying to get back on track. Not focus on all the other moments that have made me feel like this. Not focus on past failures. It’s hard. I’ve spent the better part of the week trying to sleep, but not being able to because of a combination of noise in the house, anger, pain and coughing. Lying in bed long enough i start to replay some of the favourite moments of my life… unfortunately, when already upset i lack the ability to get anything but sadness out of them.

Breathe deep… oh wait, fuck, that hurts. Breathe shallow…


Robarts: I have foiled ye!


I feel like the protagonist in Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose now. Apparently, the secret wings of the library in that classic may be modelled on the futurist, concrete monstrosity which U of T tours claims looks like a peacock.

I have come to the conclusion that the architects of Robarts, Mathers and Haldenby, may have reached a new level of stupidity in this construction. Asides from its ugliness, the miscalculation of the weight of the building (just how DO you forget that the third largest book collection in North American is going to way, well, A LOT?) and the misuse of a beautiful skyline (there are almost no windows in the stacks of Robarts or its study spaces), the floors in the stacks are covered in cheap linoleum which makes even sneakers’ noise reverberate down the acoustic propagating corridors – this is particularly unpleasant when it has snowed or rained. I find it difficult to concentrate to the “squish, squish” of people padding to the bathroom.

I foiled it though. The apexes house the only windows of any size in Robarts and there is one desk to work on in front of each apex. The desk has a back to it so you can’t see out the windows. In a stroke of genius i decided to climb on a the chair and look over the desk… Lo and behold… i found a cozy window sill and heater on the other side. Using the corner as a chairback, which i padded out with my coat and scarf, i sat back there reading for over 3 hours last Wednesday. The desk served as a sound barrier. I was waiting for security to yell at me, but it never happened.

I pass this information on to others who, like me, found the one redeeming quality of the concrete monstrosity that is McGill’s McLennan library it’s great use of the VIEW out the windows onto the McGill campus. There is nothing like watching snow fall while taking a studying break.

It was snowing on Wednesday – and i got to enjoy it even though i was holed up in a library.

Take that Robarts!

Why IS a mile 5280 feet?


I’ve never understood how a mile came to be such a ridiculous, unrounded number. In fact, the mile has always been the example to prove the inherent superiority of the metric system…

Yesterday in Latin, we ended up discussing the origin of the term ‘mile.’ Apparently, a mile once was a reasonable number – a 1000 paces or mile passus. This came out to about 5000 feet. Thousands of miles were milia passuum (milia is the plural of mile).

I have come up with an experiment to see if Romans were the same size as us… how far do you walk in 1000 steps? I may have to get off the cross-trainer and on to the treadmill to check this one out… unless someone else feels like being a guinea pig for me… any takers?

Nonetheless, i feel comforted knowing that there is sense in the world. Some anyways.

Politically incorrect joke warning:


While perusing the headlines on the Jerusalem Post for work (it’s my last day! whoot!), i encountered an ad with the following text: “What’s the Jewish answer to Jews for Jesus?”

My response: “Umm… we told Pilate what we thought the first time…”

It must be Thursday. No wait. It isn’t. No excuse.

I think this may be the first remotely funny joke i have made all summer. At least there was one.



I have no written anything since the last post. This is upsetting. I have been attending events (Talent Night and a Speaker on Odysseus’ Scar in Auerbach’s Mimesis). Been flirting like crazy…nothing new about that.

I also made the best cheesecake ever! The recipe was care of Lina and i share it with you…
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake

1 ¾ cup chocolate chip cookies (crumble them up)
¼ cup sugar
1/3 cup butter, melted

3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
1 cup sour cream
½ teaspoon vanilla extract

Cookie Dough
¼ cup butter softened
¼ cup sugar
¼ cup packed brown sugar
1 Tablespoon water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup flour
1 ½ cup chocolate chips

For crust–combine cookie crumbs, sugar, stir in butter. Press mixture onto bottom of spring-form pan that has been floured and greased.

For Filling–in mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add eggs beat until well blended. Add sour cream and vanilla. Mix well. Pour over crust. Set aside.

Cookie Dough–In other mixing bowl, cream butter and sugars on medium speed for 3 minutes. Add water and vanilla. Gradually add flour. Stir in l cup chocolate chips. Drop dough by teaspoonfuls over filling, gently pushing cookie dough below surface.Cream cheese mixture should cover cookie dough.

Bake at 350 degrees F. for 45-55 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool on wire rack for l0 minutes. Carefully run a knife around edge of pan to loosen. Cool one hour longer. Refrigerate overnight, remove sides of pan. Sprinkle with remaining chips that have been melted.

12-14 servings.

I just ended up refusing a friend’s request to complete a survey for a project she is doing in class. I feel like a shit, but her plan is to depict birth control as a negative/oppressive force on women and i cannot provide any data towards such an end. The alternative to birth control is unequal status for women. I may not be a feminist, but i do believe in equal rights and equal opportunities…even if i do love the male body. LOL. Am i a bad person for making it harder for her to complete an assignment? I feel like she choose this topic on her own…if she didn’t then maybe i would comply anyways…i will let you know how she responds to my refusal.

I want to be thin…


It was one of those mornings when none of my clean clothes would fit.

You know you are taking full advantage of your student status when if you wear a skirt and make-up, everyone asks what class you are presenting in. I love being able to wear jogging pants to school.

I am way behind in my actual schoolwork as opposed to paper-writing. Haven’t done the Foucault readings for class this evening, nor have i edited the four essays i must for 12pm tomorrow. Grrr…

Countdown: 79 pages (re-calculated the total; completed Name of the Rose)

If i had but one wish


Pretty please, for the love of God and all things holy, OUTLINE YOUR ESSAYS PEOPLE! If you can’t follow a strict plan when writing your draft, that does not mean that you shouldn’t outline it afterwards to put all relevant points together. I am tired of reading papers that are more like my blog entries. In fact, my blog entries may be better structured.

Things i never thought would happen: i turned down a piece of cheesecake this evening. It would have been my second, but i wasn’t so full i would have been sick if i ate more. This is a step in the right direction. If only i had managed to stir up this kind of willpower yesterday in the face of all those bagels with cream cheese and lox. Yummm……smoked fish…

Our fat blonde cat is snoring.

I should be working on a paper or my thesis. Instead i have taken a nap, watched a movie, marked three essays (but not graded them) and done a preliminary run-through of one of my classmate’s thesis drafts. Lordie.

And could someone tell me why Boisclair was talking about immigrant enrollment in undergraduate programs? How is even broaching the subject not a sign of something awry? I’m going to vote tomorrow…