waning interest

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i haven’t felt like posting much lately. i’ve been to the symphony with Veronica (there are no black people in the symphony – weird but unsurprising) and to Stratford to see the Merchant of Venice with Eric. The lack of critiques dealing with this interesting subject matter reflects my current state of mind. It’s that time of year again… i hate that time of year. It is inevitably accompanied by stupid decisions, self-loathing and wallowing in self-pity. i continue to attempt to cope with having shut off the portion of my psyche that should be trying to process pain. To each their own healing mechanism i guess, i just wish that my ‘coping’ didn’t leave me a bad person.

i don’t know if it’s grad school that’s very hard or living in a frat house (LOL). I can’t get my work completed on time. A general lack of motivation is likely the culprit.

i continue to wonder what i would do without Veronica. I have yet to be able to connect with anyone i have met – i can’t take that step of trying to do something outside of class hours. i must be my mother’s daughter – afraid of imposing, afraid of rejection. Just generally afraid. It’s nice to hide behind the loud, obnoxious exterior.

I love how people hide their most painful attributes and problems with the opposite personality characteristics. It makes ‘name that pathology’ so much more fun.

There is good news, however. I lost 3 lbs last week – cutting out extreme alcohol consumption and 11pm desserts has helped.

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2 thoughts on “waning interest

  1. It’s funny what you say about covering up characteristics with their opposites – the director I worked for over the summer usually suggested playing an emotion by playing its opposite, because the audience is all so used to see frightened people playing brave, angry people playing calm.

    And your feeling of disconnection is painfully familiar…..

  2. hello….im sorry to hear you are so unmotivated….though I think it has something to do with the level of fun-ness at the d -shack! LOL – Frat house – 0h my! ANyways…………………………..SEE YOU AT HOME

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