believe?

Does anyone else find themselves feeling nostalgic for a time in their lives when they believed in a higher truth? a greater power? meaning to this existence?
Bryan and i kept arguing about this on the walk in to school today. i am jealous that he can still believe. i wish i didn’t end up scoffing at every religion and belief system that could offer me a way of looking at the world that wouldn’t end in a “so, why?”
This sounds like i am depressed. I am not. I am trying to get back in the mood for studying. i hate this course even more now that i got a B on a paper i was planning on handing in as a writing sample with my grad school apps. i was going to cry. Damn you McGill! I want to buy one of the Concordia sweatshirts on sale in the bookstore right now and wear it in just to say “yeah, i don’t go here. my parents are not wealthy and i’m not from Ontario. i work. i pay bills. i don’t discuss getting drunk last night on Thursday morning nor do i hand in papers so hung over i still reek of alcohol. i have to keep a job. fuck you.”
bitterness about getting a bad grade? just a little.