i am not a hypochondriac. i say i have a cold when others would say its the flu. i don’t ever say i have gastro because i have an upset stomach…and i think i have complained all of three times in my life about cramps. i don’t see the point in complaining about feeling under the weather when everyone has bad days and goes through that kind of stuff. sometimes feeling bad comes up in passing: “what did you do last night?” “oh nothing, i stayed in bed because i wasn’t feeling well.” i have a rule, if you can get out of bed to go to the washroom and take a shower, don’t go to the doctor unless you’ve been feeling that shitty for more than five days.
Anywho, that was a precursor to a more drama queen statement. I think i had an anxiety attack at the office today, albeit a mild one. What worries me most about it is not that it happened, but that it happened before the school year even started and it was brought on by essentially nothing. I was attempting to study and realized i couldn’t read…the letters weren’t registering as words…this happens to me a lot, when i am overtired or thinking of something else, but for some reason the combination of being unable to read and contemplating the benefits of moving in to the 2 1/2 across the hall from Lisa ($495, furnished and heated) gave me the shakes, a stomach ache, a very bitter taste in the back of my throat and the need to either rock my self or massage the skin on my extremities. I shut up about it at first, figuring it would pass, but when i started crying mid-sentence on the phone, obviously those around me started to notice. Of course, the last thing i needed was to explain that i get worked up over nothing, i felt out of control of a situation, estranged from mankind, blah blah blah…yada yada yada…don’t encourage me by letting me talk about it…someone tell me to shut the fuck up. I gave it an hour on the phones, kept working because at least it was something to do, ended up going to the washroom to throw water on my face, and went back to work again. It passed…there was a huge sign “THERE IS NOTHING WRONG DUMBASS” on my desk for a while that i was colouring. It helped.
Somehow i turned a day that started off very badly into six sales and my best commission day ever. good, because i am going to need the money for the trip to Toronto and moving out.
So, what i ask of you, is…is my self-diagnosis correct to those of you who have actually suffered a mild anxiety attack? And, of course, what do you think of the price for that 2 1/2 knowing it is a 20 minute bus ride to the nearest metro and then a 20 minute metro ride to school?
I hope this doesn’t happen again anytime soon. I have decided the immediate cure would be cuddling…and i intend on enforcing the cure…get ready.