is this what mono feels like?


i keep waking up, eating breakfast and then going back to bed for another 2 hours. Today this meant sleeping in a parked car during the middle of the day. i was still tired at work. tonight i must correct an italian essay and an oral and read some more of ulysses.

today when i got to work i read outside on a blanket for a while (bringing a blanket in to work was one of the smartest things i have ever done. it is multi-purpose…including screaming “leave me the fuck alone” when i wrap myself up in it because i am feeling bad). i feel the need to share with you one of the greatest quotes of the 20th century i have yet encountered from a man we all love to hate: Sigmund Freud.

“The life imposed on us is too hard for us to bear: it brings too much pain, too many disappointments, too many insoluble problems. If we are to endure it, we cannot do it without palliative measures….powerful distractions…substitutive satisfactions…[or] intoxication” (Civilization and its Discontents, Chapter 2, 2nd paragraph).

Yup. it’s depressing, but it also provides a justification for getting shit-faced.

On another note, Dave Bellemare invited me out to get shit-faced with him next week. I know some of you will find that amusing. There was a time i would have killed for such an invitation, now i find it amusing…i will likely go just because i know a younger version of me would have died at the prospect. there are somethings that must be done for old-time’s sake. i don’t think i’ve changed that much since high school. Not compared to some other people i have met…but the way people react to me certainly has. i am as loud and obnoxious and in your face as ever…but it doesn’t scare people as much anymore. for those of you who did not know me back then, i had the worst crush on this guy for about 2 years straight in high school and he would flirt with me on the bus, but otherwise pretty much ignored my existence. i ran into him at a party about 2 weeks ago to discover he is (a) shorter and (b) skinnier than i remembered. it took him over twenty minutes to figure out who the girl who punched him in the back when he ignored her was and then was very upset because i had left the party for a couple of minutes…my friends were amused too. he ONLY sat next to me twice a day for 30 minutes for about 4 years.

This led to the realization that i have now been out of high school for longer than i was ever in it. Wow. that is a scary thought.


6 thoughts on “is this what mono feels like?

  1. I believe his drug of choice was cocaine, and once he realized how bad it was he regretted using it and also operating on people with it. There’s a Freud-written excerpt in Janet Malcom’s In the Freud Archives about a brain-through-nose operation gone horribly wrong that is so graphic and gross I actually fainted soon after reading it. True story, I was on the way to Quebec City with my boyfriend’s family and they had to pull over to see if I was O.K.
    Ach, I feel all weak just writing about it.

  2. I knew about the cocaine. Heroine didn’t exist yet. There were other opiates though, and many of them would suit cocaine very nicely. If he really believed that “we cannot do it without palliative measures … powerful distractions … substitutive satisfactions … [or] intoxication,” cocaine alone would possibly only serve as a substitutive satisfaction.

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