peevishness

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i have spent the past couple of days fighting with THE VOID’s current hosting provider for the EPP Authorization Key to transfer our domain name when we switch hosts. Do not, under any circumstances, sign an agreement with DB Multimedia. Their website does not include ANY contact information, nor have they responded to my email in a 48 hour period. i only got said email address by searching who my domain name was licensed out to. i am going to be going to all the web hosting provider review sites and writing nasty comments. There is nothing like the wrath of a young, sexually-frustrated and spunky woman.
So, my acting in the most peevish manner possible all day, combined with the three glasses of wine i drank with dinner, has incited me to share a forward that i would not usually. i am going to put a smiley-face next to all the dares i am actually guilty of on a pseudo-regular basis. it’s okay to think i’m a bitch. i know it to be true.

ONE-POINT DARES
1. Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
4. Walk sideways to the photocopier. (i skip, is that equally bad?) 🙂
5. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
6. When in the lift with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
7. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…
8. Don’t use any punctuation. 🙂 (you have read this blog, correct?)
9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES
1. Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting. 🙂
4. Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, “dagnamit, it’s happened again!” Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”. Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do A Number Two”.
5. When you’ve picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ”she can abort it for all I care”.
6. After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour. 🙂 (ok, i say “yo”, same thing!)
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
14. While a colleague is writing, grab their pen and throw it out of the nearest open window.

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2 thoughts on “peevishness

  1. Heh. I do ‘yo. I answer phones with ‘yo’. I know this is terribly, horribly, insufferably lame, but I just can’t seem to stop myself.

    It’s part of the essential charm that is me. Or something.

  2. Oh, you’re not a bitch for not using punctuation or for skipping to the photocopier.

    I’m actually planning on doing some of these things now. In particular, I’d eventually like to try Three-Point Dares #5 and #8 at work.

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